(To the tune of just about every Westcountry Waltz around)

I'm standing for office in
Sutton and Cheam
It's not the kind of place
You'll have heard of or been

I'm tidy and respectable
I'm strictly Estee Lauder
And my dodgy past's pro-tected
by a tight restraining order

Say it loud -(Say it loud)- I'm Philippa and Proud
Call me Stroud, just for now it's still allowed
Say it loud -(Say it loud)- I'm Saintly and unbowed
They'll grab me for the rapture I'll be up on my cloud...